Monday, October 6, 2008

I feel great

Okay, so today I am feeling great. Really great. Just came home from a killer workout. Nothing feels good like being healthy (ie. not sick) and feeling powerful. And I do feel powerful.

So I got some bad news before the weekend. Apparently, I am not eligible for health insurance. I have several issues around this that PISS me off to no end, but the biggie is that they probably denied me based on my BMI. So for a day or so I was MAD. Now I am just more determined and still slightly pissed off. There's so much to say about this, but really, my arms are shaking from the workout I just came home from, so this is not easy for me to type out. And some of it is just a tad personal. Okay I will share one feeling I have about the BMI rejection possibility. "they" as in the insurance people don't understand what it's like to be force-fed 5500 calories a day to pile upwards of 95lbs. to carry triplets to term. Only to be on bed-rest for most of the pregnancy, to loose all muscle mass and then go into 2 F*ING years of massive sleep deprivation (to the point where you don't even remember when your kids learned to walk, or when you have complete and utter physical and emotional meltdowns because you are hallucinating because you are living on LESS THAN 3 hours of sleep a day --(these are non-consecutive hours which if you think about it is ridiculous) until finally your kids sleep through the night and then to endure two more years of toddlerhood which is a 630am-730pm job when they are all healthy (which is only 5% of the time-and then you are a night nurse too) and then when they turn 4 years old you finally have 4 seconds to yourself (only because you are paying $330/month for preschool, which you can't afford) to even COMTEMPLATE having any moment to yourself. Oh and lets-not-forget that I WAS pretty-much FORCED TO GIVE UP MY GREAT PAYING-FULL BENEFITS JOB WHICH I LOVED because daycare would have cost me 1.5 times my salary. Which is utterly absurd.

Oh don't worry. I really, really love my kids. I adore every single moment I have ever shared with them. I do not regret a single moment of my time with them.

But at 34, I never *dreamed* i would be ineligible for health care coverage. It's such a huge slap in the face. I get that they have a job too, that they don't give a rat's ass what my situation is. Really, and basically, it's like all things. It comes down to money.

Okay, rant is over.

There's so much more to say though. Thank god I have been taking out my anger at the gym.

Okay, back to I feel great. Because I do. I feel invicible. In fact, I almost feel sexy. That is huge. I mean my weight is not incredibly lower. I'm just eating better, I don't feel bloated, I feel strong, I have more energy and for the most part, happy. Content. Relaxed.

1 comment:

Lyn said...


I am so sorry about the health insurance. I am in a similar place right now and it SUCKS to have no health insurance. It's stressful!! That had to be really tough, going through the pregnancy and triplets... wow. I have five kids but they were born one at a time so they were easier. But I had one who I was on bedrest with and gained 60 pounds so I relate on THAT note... and I had another who was born critically ill and was medically fragile for the first year. Wouldn't sleep more than an hour at a stretch so I relate on being so sleep deprived you don't even remember anything. I was also an emotional basket case from no sleep. I hope you've had time to recover from that.

I am really glad you're feeling great though. Hopefully when the BMI comes down you'll find suitable insurance soon. Prayers for you!